edsanders.com - Only a Buck A Quart!

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Imagine that at the same time Mr. Benz invented the automobile,
synthetic lubricants were invented? Ever since the first car
rolled they were lubricated with synthetics. 

Along comes this guy one day, and says to you... 
"Guess what, they've just found a way to make a lubricant
out of dead dinosaur squeezings!"

You look at him, and say, "yeah, so?"

He says, "you won't believe the deal on this stuff,
it's only a buck a quart!"

You say, "only a buck a quart, wow, great!
That sounds like a good deal, but what's the catch?"


"Yeah, catch, ususally when someone comes up with
something too good to be true, there's a catch."

"Er, such as?"

"Well, I've been using synthetic oil for the
last 20 years with no problems, and my father
before me, why should I switch and what might
happen to my car and other equipment if I change?
When something shows up that's this cheap, usually
there's a reason, cheaper stuff in it or something?"

"Don't worry about any of that stuff,
what you don't know won't hurt me! Just
go ahead and get it, it's only a buck a quart!" 

"Not so fast! I want to know all about this stuff.
Since it's cheaper does it last as long? I've been changing
synthetic oil every 35,000 miles, how about this?"
"Errr, well, uh, every 3000 miles. But don't worry,
it's only a buck a quart!"

You whip out your calculator, and check it out.
"Hmmmm. 5 quarts at a buck each plus an oil filter
at $8.95 times, lets see, 3000 into 35,000 is about 11 times..."

"Wait, stop, we also have cheaper oil filters, they're only 4 bucks each!"

"What, only 4 bucks?"

"Yeah, figure that in too!"

"Hmmmm, cheaper oil filters?"

"Yeah, they won't filter out particles as small as the filters
you're used to, so your engine will wear out sooner, and they
won't last as long, but don't worry, you'll be saving money!

You start plugging in the numbers... "Ok, 5 plus 4 
is nine bucks per change, times 11 changes is 99 bucks!
What kind of a scam are you trying to pull?
That's $16.50 more than I pay now, including oil filters
and an extra quart every 12,000 miles!"

"Errr, welll, but, it's only a buck a quart!"

"And another, thing, this stuff is cheaper,
so what else might go wrong? What about my fuel economy?"

"Uhhh, welllll, you'll lose from 3 to 8 miles per gallon.
But don't worry, it's only a buck a quart!"

Out with the calculator again. "Let's see, 340 bucks more for
gas at a dollar and a quarter over 35,000 miles! You've got me
spending over 355 bucks more than I am now! How can you sell that crap??!"

"Ummm, a lot of folks are going for it, why not you?"

"Because I can use a pocket calculator. And what other
drawbacks could there be? Since this stuff is so different,
what happens when it gets cold outside? Does this stuff out
of the ground still work as well?"

"Why do you keep bugging me with these details? What's it matter to you?"

"Well, I like to be able to go ouside and just turn the key and go."

"Well, I hate to admit it, but it'll take an extra one or two
hundred amps to crank your engine over, so it might not start.
Even if it does start, your battery won't last as long with all
that amperage being used every time. But don't worry, I have a 
great deal on batteries too!"

"Hmmm", you say, "and with all that power being used by the starter,
less is getting to the coil, so there's less spark at the plugs,
even less chance of starting. And all the time your engine is
turning over without starting, all that raw fuel is washing the
oil off the cylinder walls and getting into the crankcase to dilute
the oil. Great for engine wear!"

"Don't worry about that, I have a great deal on engines too!"

"Figured you would." "What about in hot weather, what then?
Last summer A hose blew on the car on the freeway right in the 
middle of a very bad part of the city, the wife was driving and 
she just kept on driving to a garage in a better section to get 
it fixed. No problems, what would have happened with your stuff 
in the engine?"

"Uhhh, if your wife hadn't stopped right there, your engine 
would have been toast, and it probably would have seized in 
a mile or two if she'd kept going."

"You mean my wife would have been stranded in that part of 
town just because I put your cheap oil in the car?"

"Errr, we don't like to talk about those things. It's only a buck a quart!"

"And a few years ago way out on a trail the oil pan ripped 
open on my 4X4, I lost all the oil, but was able to limp a 
hundred miles home to fix it with just one spun bearing. 
What would have happened with your stuff in there?"

"You would have been walking. And if you'd tried that you'd 
have gone about a mile. You'd have been replacing the whole engine."

"What about pollution? Changing all that oil has to make more 
solid and liquid waste?"

"Errr, wellll, it does, and the pollution out your exhaust pipe 
will increase too, but don't worry about that! It's only a buck a quart!"  

"I like my engines good and clean inside, will this new petroleum 
oil keep it clean?"

Welll, no, it makes stuff called sludge and varnish."

"What's that?"

"Welll, as it breaks down this stuff makes that."

"What's "breaking down", you mean your oil breaks down?"

"Ummmm, as it ages the additives and base stock are incompatable
so they attack each other and the oil breaks down. This will
 make varnish and sludge on the inside of your engine which 
will coat the seals and gaskets and make them dry out and crack. 
This will make your engine leak eventually, but don't worry, it's 
only a buck a quart! (And now I'll get to sell more, heh-heh.)"

"And I bet you've got a great deal on seals and gaskets too!"

"How did you know?"

"I sorta guessed."

"I have petroleum oil for transmissions and rear ends, grease 
and a lot more, interested?"

"Save it for another time."
      To learn more about synthetic lubricants check out:



                     Amsoil Direct Jobber

Copyright 1997 Permission granted to place this in any media as long
as it is in its full entirety complete with web site and e-mail links.
This may be placed on any corporate network without fear of retribution.

                         Ed Sanders

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E-Mail: edsanders@edsanders.com
Copyright 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 by Ed Sanders.